The Aroace Experience

my experience as an aroace person.

I'm aroace. Figured that out a few years ago, and I've never really gone back. Yeah, I might feel some attraction to fictional men, but I honestly think it's more of a "holy shit transition goals" way than sexual or romanantic way. Still, I'm asexual aromantic, and nobody can take that away from me. I'm pretty open about the fact I'm aroace, and sometimes I have to explain what it means (luckily, not my parents, I've known that I don't want to get into a relationship for a long time now, and my mom learned the term aroace from one of her old coworkers, so that's nice).

It's odd, being aroace in a society that prioritizes your relationship status, especially around the publishing date of this--Valentine's Day. Such a romantic (and frankly, capitalistic, but that's another can of worms), and I'm single as hell and nowhere near ready to mingle. I personally stick to my platonic relationships, because despite common belief, platonic relationships can be just as fufilling as romantic ones. And I'm happy. I'm happy in platonic relationships. Friends can be just as close as romantic partners, as long as you put in the effort (which goes for all relationships, btw!!).

It's weird, really. I don't feel romantic attraction in a society that prioritizes romance. In elementary school, I was asked if I had a crush on someone, and I chose this boy who played soccer. It was a fake crush, I wanted to fit in. I was only in 3rd grade, and I was trying to fit in by faking a crush. I don't know where he is now, it's been years since I last spoke to him. Never told him that I had or faked my crush on him, he probably barely knew about my existence. The fact that I was a 3rd grader faking my crush on someone should be weird, but to society, it's probably normal.

In 8th grade, I was friends with this one dude. We're still friends, but for a while, people thought we were dating. I wasn't out as trans to everyone yet, but I was still pretty open about me being aroace. How amazing, people thought I was dating my friend when we're just that--friends. We did everything to dispel the rumors, including outright saying we're not dating. Eventually, they faded, but it was still weird for people to assume our relationship status. The fact that people would assume that because me and him were friends (note that this was about the time I was still going by they/them pronouns and was out as enby, but was also the point I was starting to ponder my gender further).

Valentine's Day is such an odd holiday to me. It's a holiday dedicated to love, when any day can be dedicated to your romantic partner. At this point, it has become more about large companies growing richer under the facade that "if you don't get this for your partner, you're a horrible romantic partner!!" It's such a blantantly capitalistic holiday, it pisses me off to the core. The fact that we need an entire holiday dedicated to romance, when people can perform romantic gestures any day. Now, all of this is just my personal opinion as someone who doesn't understand romance, but I still find the hearts and pink and red and roses and all that stuff plastered on every product to be annoying as all fucking hell. I don't get romance, and I don't get Valentine's day.

To get back on track, I headcanon a lot of characters as asexual/aromantic. It's because of how few explicitly asexual and aromantic characters there are, I make my own representation to feel like I can relate to a character more, especially if I already relate or kin them (because I'm a fictionkin). It feels comforting to be able to headcanon a character having the same identity as me, I can also explore how that would affect them on a deeper level, how that would affect their motivations, why they act as they do, etc etc. It's fun and intruiging to see how a character would change based upon their identity, not in a chaning how they are in canon way, but seeing how it affects their reasons.

It still feels odd, going under this label. It fits me well, but society still treats me like an oddity. I don't want to fuck or date, SO WHAT? I'm still human. I'm me, and I go under this label that defies society's expectations of romance in an average life. I just operate differently, I'm not a robot, even if I do feel like one sometimes (though that's for unrelated reasons tbh). People say that sexual attraction makes you human, so what would that make me? Inhuman, to these people.

They say "you just haven't found the right person yet", but I've already found that I don't need that person.

They say "what do you mean you don't want to have romance/sex? It's what makes us human!" Yet I am the same species as them.

They tell me "it's just a phase", yet it is eternal.

They call me an "alien", when at this point, I'd rather be on another world.

People always say "I can fix you", yet I am unbroken.